Oh me!

We are so small between the stars & so large against the sky. and lost in subway croud, I try to catch your eye …..

मैं नहीं समझ पाता

June28

ये कोई आवश्यक तो नहीं
की हर बार जब तुम मुझसे मिलो
तुम कुछ ऐसा करो
की मेरा विवादित मन निरुत्तर हो जाए

क्यों तुम हो जाती हो भावुक
करुणा से भर
जब मैं होता हूँ दुखी

भला क्यों तुम मुझसे
करती हो इतना प्रेम
मुझे नहीं समझ आता
असमंजस में ये दिन बीता जाता

 

( Yale University, New Haven : 6/27/2015 )

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November21

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सूर्यास्त

October25

समुन्दर किनारे
शुरू करता हूँ
मैं सूर्यास्त देखना

लहर आती जाती हैं
विचार आते जाते हैं
लोग आते जाते हैं
लेकिन मैं ठहर जाता हूँ

आश्चर्यचकित, मैं पाता हूँ,
पैरों को रेत में आधा गढ़ा
अतीत और भविष्य के बीच
आधा ज़िंदा, आधा मरा

( Boston, 10/24/2014 )

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तुझसे नाराज़ नहीं ज़िन्दगी…

September21

तुझसे नाराज़ नहीं ज़िन्दगी, हैरान हूँ मैं
ओ हैरान हूँ मैं
तेरे मासूम सवालों से परेशान हूँ मैं
ओ परेशान हूँ मैं

जीने के लिये सोचा ही न था, दर्द सम्भालने होंगे
मुस्कुराऊँ तो, मुस्कुराने के कर्ज़ उठाने होंगे
मुस्कुराऊँ कभी तो लगता है
जैसे होंठों पे कर्ज़ रखा है
तुझसे …

आज अगर भर आई हैं, बूँदें बरस जायेंगी
कल क्या पता इनके लिये आँखें तरस जायेंगी
जाने कहाँ गुम कहाँ खोया
एक आँसू छुपाके रखा था
तुझसे …

ज़िन्दगी तेरे ग़म ने हमें रिश्ते नये समझाये
मिले जो हमें धूप में मिले छाँव के ठंडे साये
ओ तुझसे …

 

( Gulzaar, C. 1980s , from the movie, “Masoom”) . This has been taken from here.

घर छोड़ना

August22

“निकलना खुल्द से आदम का सुना था हमने,
पर बड़े बे-आबरू हो तेरे कूचे से हम निकले (ग़ालिब )”

—  —   —   —  —  —   —

 

ज़्यादा समय नहीं लगता
अपना बोरिआ बिस्तर बाँधने में

कुल जमा एक अलमारी का सामान है
और दो सूटकेस काफी हैं
अपनी किताबों, कपड़ों, डाक टिकट
डायरी और जूते रखने के लिए

आधे घंटे सामान रखो
और ज़िन्दगी भर सोचते रहो
क्या छोड़ आया, क्या ले आया

ढाई बजे की धुप मखमली है
चार्ल्स नदी सतत बहती है.

 

( Boston, 8/22/2014 )

उम्र – सुलोचना वर्मा

August19

मेरे तुम्हारे बीच
आकर ठहर गया है
एक लम्बा मौन
छुपी हैं जिसमे
उम्र भर की शिकायतें

हर एक शिकायत की
है अपनी अपनी उम्र

उम्र लम्बी है शिकायतों की
और उम्र से लम्बा है मौन

( 2014 )

Taken from Kavitakosh Also available at Poetess’ blog here.

Of Ambition

May19

Most emotions are not unique to human beings. Even a plant like touch-me-not gets afraid. A dog is affectionate and loyal. Dolphins have excellent memory. Elephants are intelligent. Tigers are aggressive.  Almost all carnivores have courage.

The animal kingdom can claim all emotions except one … Ambition.No other animal, to the best of my knowledge, strives for fame and excellence. None wants to be remembered after death.

Without ambition, there is no difference between a human and an animal.

Lord, make me human.. Lord, make me ambitious!!

Atlas wants to heal.

November19

Throw away the weights

Of incessant guilt

Atlas is tired of suffering

Atlas wants to stand straight

Atlas wants to heal.

 

Boston, 11/19/13

सफलता

March12

मैंने अभी अभी पॉल सिंगर का annual  letter पढ़ा। सिंगर ने Forbes 400 की सूची का अन्वेक्षण करने पर पाया की 2012 में 64% Billionaires  self-made थे। अर्थात जो कल सबसे अमीर थे वे आज नहीं हैं। बेशक जो आज हैं वो कल नहीं रहेंगे।

हम successful  क्यूँ नहीं हैं? इसके अनेक कारण हो सकते हैं। लेकिन जो कारण मुझे सबसे ज्यादा important  लगता है वो है की हम मेहनत नहीं करते। ये, और दूसरा की हम risk नहीं लेते। हमे जो मिला उसमे हम खुश हैं। हमे लगता है की ये कितनी बड़ी बात है की सर पर छत, खाने को रोटी और पैर में जूता है। हमें रहने को ताज, खाने को मिठाई और पैर में Ferrari नहीं चाहिए। भगवन ने जो दिया, सो अच्छा।
मुझे नहीं लगता की भगवन ने संतुष्ट होने को कहा है। गीता में प्रभु बार बार कहते हैं – कर्म करो। कर्म करो का अर्थ हुआ पूरी पूरी इमानदारी से कर्म करो। इमानदारी से कर्म करने का ये भी अर्थ है की अगर 5 काम मिले तो पांचो को सर्वोत्कृष्ट तरीके से करो। दूसरों का तो पता नहीं, लेकिन मैं ऐसा नहीं कर रहा हूँ। बस उतना करता हूँ की काम चल जाये। अपनी ओर  से कुछ ज्यादा  नहीं कर रहा। सुबह office पहुंचा तो पहले देखा की boss  आया है की नहीं। boss  से पहले पहुँचने में ही आधी सुबह निकल रही है। दुपहर घर पहुँचने की इच्छा में व्यतीत हो रही है। लड़कियों से बात करने में रात बीते जाती है। जीवन बस निपटाया जा रहा है, जिया नहीं जा रहा। कर्म नहीं किया जा रहा है। धर्म नहीं किया जा रहा है।
भगवन ने अकल दी है, ये बात मुझे पता है। सोचने समझने की शक्ति दी है। वो परिस्थितियां भी दी हैं की सफलता मिले। मसलन   ऐसे परिवार में पैदा किया की पढने लिखने पे जोर था, और स्वतंत्रता थी की जो चाहे करो। चाहो तो खेलो, चाहो तो पढो, चाहो तो लिखो। बाद में भी किस्मत ठीक ठाक ही रही की अच्छी जगह पढने को मिला और अच्छी जगह नौकरी मिली।
तो अब क्या हुआ? अब क्यूँ रुक गया हूँ मैं?
आलस्य ने डस लिया है। आराम की बुरी आदत पड़  गयी है। कर्म छोड़ दिया है, माया में खो गया हूँ।
धिक्कार!!

First post of 2012

May11

( part of an email that I sent to my friends today)

My office timings are very reasonable. I leave at 8 AM and am back by 6 PM, 5 days a week – which is unusual in the financial world. My team, like most of HMC, is very talented and diverse. I like working in the team and never feel left out or alone. Work is intense and challenging, requires attention to details and am still learning the details. Working in these places makes one humble. When we see so many smart people, it is difficult to fall under any false hubris.

I live near the university in a place called Cambridge, which has its own history. It takes me 35 minutes to reach office from here by taking a subway. Cambridge is a student area and almost everyone is a student at Harvard or MIT. While I have not interacted with many people as yet, there is a palpable feeling that these kids are smart – and most importantly – diverse in their interests and hobbies. The local laundry house is proof of that. Laundry mats are places where you really miss the good old dhobi twice a month. They are the US equivalents of Indian barber shops – just like barber shops in India they are full of popular movie magazines and tabloids. Thanks to them, I have known that Kim Kadarshian is having a fight with her mom and that there are tension brewing in Brad Pitt and Ms Jolie. BUT, the Laundromat near my house has Vogue/Cosmopolitan as well as books on East Asian food, Michelangelo’s life, Louvre’s collection, and Rocky mountains among other things. The clientele looks different and they demand different entertainment

Boston is considered to be a ‘Old money’ place in stark comparison to New York’s nouveau riche population. Locals don’t like the big apple that much and neither do they that emotion. Loyalties to football/baseball/basketball teams are almost jingoistic in appeal and I even saw a car sporting(?) a sticker – Yankees S*** ( ref to New York Yankees baseball team). I have no idea about these sports and thus find myself as the only person in bars on a Friday evening ho isn’t agitated.

I would however have to admit that Boston is much more beautiful and calmer than New York, if you leave out Manhattan’s Central Park that is. People are not running all the time and they usually have a better standard of living than their Yankee counterparts. Perhaps people are more well mannered too. The architecture, though not impressive as some other cities is special because of its association with many historic events. Khalil Gibran was here, just like Swami Vivekanand and Robert Frost. Boston is in fact over-educated , more than 40% of citizens have a college degree which is very high by American standards.

Over the summer months I plan to explore the city and make excursions to Maine, Vermont and New Hampshire. There is so much to see here and I don’t want to miss any of it. Visiting Grand Canyon and Yellowstone national park is on the cards too, will keep you posted on this.

These interviews..

November5

I often think, had I only said this – or more often, Not said that – I would have cleared the interview. But then I think, what’s the point of getting a job through deceit? Why should I start a career on foundations weak?

Lord, give me the job that I deserve, not the one I lust after.

The Finest Hour

October20

मई जून 1940 की बात है. हिटलर ने पूरे महाद्वीप पर कब्ज़ा कर लिया. Blitzkreig कामयाब हुआ प्रतीत होता था. france ने घुटने टेक दिए थे. अब britain की बारी थी. हिटलर ने कहा, आत्मसमर्पण कर दो. churchill ने parliament को कहा –

“… we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and if, which I do not for a moment believe, this island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God’s good time, the new world, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old…”
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/We_shall_fight_on_the_beaches#Peroration)

और फिर उन्होंने कहा,

“…. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves, that if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, This was their finest hour....”
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_was_their_finest_hour)

===

साला देश के देश नहीं रुकते परेशानी में,पर उनकी बात छोडो.. siberian crane नहीं रूकती हिन्दुकुश पार करने से, चींटी नहीं रूकती दाना उठाने में, spider नहीं रुकता बार बार गिर कर उठने की कोशिश करने में, गड्ढे में गिरी गाय नहीं रूकती निकलने की कोशिश करने में … इंसान होकर मैं रुक जाऊं तो धिक्कार है मुझ पे!! जब चीज़ें आसान हो तो कोई भी नाम कर सकता है. मुश्किल से जूझना ही तो मर्दानगी है. और अगर इतना पढ़ के, इतना कर के, इतने अच्छे रिश्तेदारों और मित्रों का साथ पाने के बावजूद मैं घबरा जाऊं, तो मुझमे है की क्या गर्व के लिए??

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September29

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Protected: Of Job hunting and the stuff that comes with it.

September28

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August2

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तितली

July14

तुम तितली हो
इठलाती, बल खाती
मुझे बावरा कर मंडराती,
हे मेरी तुम,
तुम मेरे जीवन की रागिनी हो.

Boston , 13 जुलाई 2011

posted under love, poem, present | 3 Comments »

दूर होना

July6

इधर कुछ दिनों से महसूस हो रहा है की धीरे धीरे भारत से दूर होता जा रहा हूँ और अमरीका के करीब. ये चीज़ पहले पाश्चात्य शहरों की खूबसूरती से शुरू हुई, लेकिन मालूम पड़ता है की अब ये tangible की जगह intangible बातों पर टिक रही है, और मुझे लगता है की ये तो खतरनाक है!

अगर मैं सड़कों पर फ़िदा हूँ, या अगर मैं नदियों और समुद्रतट पर वारा जाऊं, तो ठीक है. पेड़ और फूल कहीं भी खिल सकते हैं. इमारतें मुंबई और दिल्ली में खडी हो सकती हैं.

लेकिन अगर मैं अमरीकी जीवनशैली का कद्रदान बनता जाऊं, तो बड़ी भारी मुश्किल होगी. मुझे स्वतंत्रता अच्छी लगने लगी है, मुझे आदत होने लगी है की लोग मुझसे अच्छी तरह से बात करेंगे. मैं भूलने लगा हूँ की किसी समय मैं ऐसी जगह था जहाँ corruption , भीड़ भाड़ और इंसानी जीवन की क्षणभंगुरता सदैव उपस्थित – सदा स्वीकृत सत्य थे.

मुझे लगता है की मैं “धोबी का कुत्ता – न घर का, न घाट का” वाले पथ पर अग्रसर हूँ….

बगीचा

July5

बुझा बुझा सा है,
मेरा रंगीन बगीचा.
मानो लाल पीला नीला,
Daisy और hydangea ,
सब बदल गए मुरझाए सफ़ेद में.

तुम आओ,
मुस्काओ,
बगीचे में रंग भर दो.

हे मेरी तुम,
अपने रस से,
मुझे फिर से जीवित कर दो..

– 4 जुलाई 2011 , boston

Top 10 signs that you are activated on a matrimonial site

June22

10) You stop completing your linkedin profile and start worrying about xyzmatrimony.com

9) While taking a picture you start thinking of making it a abcmatrimony profile pic rather than a FB profile pic.

8) You start noticing people’s surnames – something you never did in the past 27 years of your life.

7) You realize that now in addition to preparing, “Why do you want this job?” you also have to prepare, “What do I expect from my life partner?”

6) The girl who sits in the next cabin starts looking OK to you.

5) (Almost) Every ‘correct age’ unmarried women starts being judged from a is-she-ok-for-me point of view

4) You start realizing that all your ex-girlfriends weren’t that bad after all.

3) You moods begin alternating between being S*** scared and irrational exuberance(and I dont mean that in an Alan Greenspanish way)

2) Every time your mom calls up, you feel the consternation that she’ll either mention a new ‘rishtaa’ or ask, “Bhaiyyu, did you find someone on xyzmatrimony?”

1) You are undecided that which of the above 9 points should be ranked numero uno, for all of them are as weird and as true as it gets.

hagar

वो लम्हे

June9

रुक जाता है New York ,
ठहर जातें हैं चलते कदम,
चुप हो जाती है सभी सडकें,
उन चंद लम्हों के लिए,
जब तुम मेरी किसी बात पर,
शर्माती हो…

8 जून २०११, Boston

New York stops.
footsteps stop,
and the streets turn silent,
for those few moments
When while listening to me,
you blush.

Of Money

May2

What is money worth? How important is it to others and how important is it to me?

Interestingly enough, the answers to the above questions have started to become more clear to me. Money is worth only what you think it worth, and thus its importance differs from person to person. While this may seem a banal truth to the reader, I think the appreciation of this fact is invaluable to me.

About two years back, on a chilly December night in Delhi, I took an Auto from Katwaria Sarai to AIIMS. After the standard negotiation I observed that the auto driver was a bit different. He looked different from others and he behaved differently from others, even while negotiating for fare. So I asked this 50 year old, “who are you? You were not always an auto driverit seems!”. And then this guy said, ” I was an industrialist and I had three houses and 5 cars. I had bad luck and I lost everything. Now since an year I’m driving an auto.” This was very weird! I then asked him, ” Are you not sad and discouraged with life?” and he replied, “No, God had given me good days and god has given me bad days as well”.

—-

2 weeks back, McKinsey sponsored a symposium in Boston. of the 5000 odd resumes that they received, they selected 50 people to come. I was one of those 50. I boarded Acela Express, and McKinsey paid the $230 round ticket from NYC -Boston. I attended a party in the evening where I could have one the most expensive wines of the world. At night I was in one of the best rooms of Ritz-Carlton that overlooked Boston Common. Next Morning, after the expensive wines, king-type bath and a 5 star stay, I looked outside and thought – where has life taken me today! Where was I 25 years back in my village where we used to get electricity only 10 hours a day? How was my first school where i took classes under open sky because the roof wasn’t ready! How I used to travel in sleeper class trains for 18 hours before reaching home, sometimes sitting on the ground because I had no reservation! And how I am here today! How I went to London! How I came to Columbia University….. and most importantly where I may be tomorrow?

What is wealth? It comes and goes. What is money? it is here today, and not there tomorrow. Life & luck are so fickle minded that it is pointless to associate our happiness with money. I am thankful to Lord that he giveth me this newfound wealth, but I remain cautious of growing too attached to it.Of course I need money to feed myself and my family, to live a decent lifestyle and to take care of my family’s health. But beyond that, its plain useless to me.

साईं इतना दीजिये, जा मे कुटुम समाय ।
मैं भी भूखा न रहूँ, साधु ना भूखा जाय ॥

नहीं आयीं तुम

April27

नहीं आयीं तुम,

आज फिर से,
न कुछ लिखा ,
न कुछ बताया.
सब मन में छुपाया.
हे मेरी तुम,
क्यूँ हो ये राज़,
तुम्हारे मेरे बीच,
क्यों हो ये संबंध,
कडवे, संदेह से सींच?
* “हे मेरी तुम” केदार की अनेक रचनाओ का नाम है.

The subway ride

February7

She surrenders to him, completely,

letting guards down,

( not wanting to let survival skills kick in)

listening to Simon and Garfunkel,

preach about the subway Gods

Seventh Week at Columbia University

October22

A part time job does not mean that you save some money. It only means that that you spend more without feeling guilty.

In my Greek Architecture class, prof showed a sample whose size was 10 metres. When asked how many feet, he was confused (He is Greek). When no one could figure how much is that after about 30 seconds I said “33 Feet”. Professor was impressed

In my Stochastic Calculus class, when I asked why dont we take the third order derivatives of Brownian Motion, the professor gave me the “What – a – dork – he – doesnt- even – know – that” look

In my Time Series class, the prof showed us 3 graphs, whose x axis and y axis were not labelled. He said , ” to anyone who can identify even one graph, a drink is due”. I guessed two ( including one which was the brightness magnitude of a double star system over 300 years). And yet I did not get a drink.

My first midterm was OKish. I made some silly mistakes. Forgetting the calculator at home was not a mistake, it was a catastrophe.
My part time job involves taking notes and forwarding phone calls to concerned people. I sort of miss ICICI

The punishment for plagiarizing is suspension. If you are caught cheating for the second time, you are sent back to your country. Needless to say one can never come back.

US is amazingly rich. Even after staying here for 3 months, I still think that’s true. Yes, you can find beggars here. Yes you can find homeless people here. But for every one of them, you also see 10 coffee makers thrown in the garbage because it is discolored or 20 chairs on the street because their handle is loose. Or a wooden chest in the garbage because one drawer is squeaky. Very few people repair stuff, its all just thrown away.

ये शब्द वही हैं – कुंवर नारायण

October18

यह जगह वही है
जहां कभी मैंने जन्म लिया होगा
इस जन्म से पहले

यह मौसम वही है
जिसमें कभी मैंने प्यार किया होगा
इस प्यार से पहले

यह समय वही है
जिसमें मैं बीत चुका हूँ कभी
इस समय से पहले

वहीं कहीं ठहरी रह गयी है एक कविता
जहां हमने वादा किया था कि फिर मिलेंगे

ये शब्द वही हैं
जिनमें कभी मैंने जिया होगा एक अधूरा जीवन
इस जीवन से पहले।

पुनश्‍च (once again)

October18

This poem by Kunwar Narayan has been taken from Kavitakosh. It talks about the ambitions of a man, who probably being bored of his mediocre life, wants to start anew, afresh. Reminds me of my days at I Bank. The poem uses simple language and alludes to a meager paycheck being the be all and end all of one’s worth.

मैं इस्‍तीफा देता हूं
व्‍यापार से
परिवार से
सरकार से

मैं अस्‍वीकार करता हूं
रिआयती दरों पर
आसान किश्‍तों में
अपना भुगतान

मैं सीखना चाहता हूं
फिर से जीना…
बच्‍चों की तरह बढ़ना
घुटनों के बल चलना
अपने पैरों पर खड़े होना

और अंतिम बार
लड़खड़ा कर गिरने से पहले
मैं कामयाब होना चाहता हूं
फिर एक बार
जीने में

Sixth week at Columbia University

October15

The mercury has been dropping on a daily basis here and it seems that pretty soon I’ll be exposed to the infamous NY cold. It is 9’C today and over the weekend the low may reach 7’C. Funnily I am getting used to “F and dont feel intimidated by something that reads 62/44 ( 17/07)

Another thing that I realised this week was that everyone keeps bumping into me. It happened thrice on Sunday and finally I understood (although pretty late) that I’m the one who’s walking on the wrong side. I’m used to walking on the left of a stairway/road and like driving, that’s opposite in US. It’s a conscious effort to correct myself these days.

Last Friday on a whim, me and my friend decided to walk from our house to Times Square, and back. It was a 16 KM (10 miles) walk that took us 4 hours. We crossed 170 streets and three avenues. Columbia has this wonderful program of giving discounted movie tickets at $6.50 instead of the regular $13. These tickets have no expiry date and are valid throughout the US. Making use of this opportunity, we saw “Social Network” a movie about facebook. This movie hall (AMC) is located near the 42nd street Subway station, and the subway lines pass under the movie hall. As a result, every 5 minutes or so there was a 10 second vibration period. Amusing at first but irritating later on.

As a classic case of stumbling upon happiness, I was offered three part time jobs at the same time this week. I’m not very keen on working too much as I’d rather focus my energy on other things, but having sid that working for 10 hours per week isnt that bad an idea. I was offered a job at Engg Library, at the International Affair library and at the Dean Student Affairs’ office. Library was offering me $ 9 an hour. At the Dean’s office the lady who interviewed me said, ” We normally pay $10 – 12 per hour, but since you’re a CFA, we’ll give you $14 an hour.” This was the first time CFA was of some monetary use to me :). She pressed me to work 15 hours a week but I accepted 10, which turns out to about $ 550 a month.

My courses are getting more and more difficult with every passing class. Midterms are due next week and I dont see myself free for at least a week now.

That’s pretty much it.

Fourth week in Columbia University

October5

( I am writing this post in a hurry, so the language may contain many flaws)

This week was notable for three things:

1) I took two long walks in the city. The first was from 9th street to 90th street, and across 4 Avenues. That would be roughly 10 KMs, which was quite long by my standards! It was a beautiful day and I walked almost half of this big Island with my brother who was visiting me from Washington. Me and Golu saw all the beautiful buildings, and explored all the nooks and corners in our way. So, e.g, we now know where can you find the cheapest I love NY shirts here! Golu also took me to a very good coffee shop at 9th Street, where the to-go coffee was really nice!
My second escapade was yesterday when I walked the length of Riverside Park.. About 60 streets and then crossed the Central Park to the MET museum. About 7 Kms in total. Riverside Park is, well, on the river. It starts right behind my house and I had the opportunity to see the sun settle across the river. A very nice evening indeed. By the time I reached the museum, it was closed. And for the first time I observed the magnitude of that huge building , being made only more colossal by the lack of thronging crowds .

2) While coming back from my second walk, I was noticing the price of a haircut – from $13 to $ 20 – in different barber shops. I briefly toyed with the idea of giving myself a haircut, but then realised that my life’s worth is more than $20. Anyways, I located a saloon at 96th street for $12. Overcoming the idea of spending Rs 600 on a haircut is a major roadblock away for me now!
BTW barbers everywhere are the same. They are quiet a chatterbox. This one, someone from Uzbekistan, was no different. He spoke at length about the Indian movies he saw in the USSR days, and asked my opinions on them. He did not pay much attention that I was more interested in talking about Samarkand instead. Anyways, I emerged
a more decent looking person &
much more knowledgeable about bollywood ; from this adventure

3) We have to study a subject known as “Stochastic calculus” . It is considered to be difficult and deals with the Probabilities and Mathematical Inferences. While doing some homework on something known as ” Wald’s Equations” , I got curious about this equation and googled the term. As it turns out, Abraham Wald was a research scientist at Columbia University, and my professor didn’t even mention this! The fact that my university has produced such great people makes me humble and ambitious at the same time.

:)

Update: Third week at Columbia University

September28

This was a hectic week. My workload has suddenly taken a quantum leap and I’m literally hitting the books and computer keys for the most part of my days. Interestingly I have classes only on Tuesday and Wednesday, but the HW is just too much to do. A key differentiator of US education is the depth it provides Vs the breadth of Indian Education. And this suits me fine. I am a jack of all trades and master of none. I hope after 3 semesters I am still a jack of all trades and master of one.

On a more concrete note, this week I learnt how to identify American trees by looking at their leaf. I walk to college every day and while coming back collect leaves of 2 or 3 trees. then at home I look and identify them on the net. I now know that we have Pin leaf oaks, Sugar Maple, Red Maple, Ginkgo and other trees in and around the university. This is really fascinating! When I went to Houston I saw a fossil imprint of Ginkgo leaf next to a bird’s remains, and it so turns out that this tree is among the oldest surviving species of trees in the world. It sort of amazes me that how some things are permanent in this ever changing life of ours.My roomies have declared me a weirdo for collecting leaves although :) They are eagerly awaiting Fall when our house would be leaf-free.

In Architecture , I spent some more time on understanding “Beaux-Arts”, one of the prominent architectural styles in New York. My house was itself made in Beaux Arts (1905) and has the defining features of this era – Gibbs Surround, Egg and Dart Motifs, rusticated first floor, a Cartouche under the front door, neo-classical pilasters etc. I’m really fortunate to be staying in a house that is made in a particular architectural order. On a person note, I find cities that have an order appealing to me. India has a lot to learn from the western world on the urban planning.

By the way, I stay opposite to the “Manhattan School of Music” at Claremont Avenue. This is considered to be a prestigious institution and many of the performers – teachers and students – live in my building. It is not uncommon to hear a piano playing Beethoven or Mozart on a lazy Sunday afternoon. While I’m deeply immersed in Markov Chains and other arcane mathematical fundas, this comes like a breeze to me.

This week also saw my birthday. A number of people wished my by email/phone/Facebook and I’m thankful to them. I did not imagine that my roomies would have any idea of my b’day and went off to sleep, but these guys woke me up at 12. And with them were 10 more classmates who live nearby. Really nice of them. We cut a cake and ate some other stuff. But otherwise my b’day was quite drab. I had to study for 16 hours, I did not have people whom I could say, “let me treat you”. The day was spent in coding MATLAB programs that didn’t work. So on and so forth. However, at 3 in the night, when I was just about to call quits to the sad day, my computer program finally executed and I was really happy that something good came out of it. Also, the next morning I found a parcel from India that had a B’day card and two coupons of the Haagen-Dazs ice creams, the ones I’ve always thought of eating here. This made my day!

Today was an Indian fresher party. I went there for the sole purpose of having food, so I wouldn’t have to cook. (I had tons of assignments to do). It was pretty boring till dinner time. But after that they thought of starting the music and it was really fun. I think letting your hair down once a while isn’t that bad an idea.

My days are getting more and more hectic. There’s just toooo much stuff to do, too much to read and too much to code. I have to study at least 12 hours per day including weekends. Strangely I’m enjoying it till now. I hope my interest persists.

O Fortuna : Velut Luna ( Oh fate, you’re like the moon)

May14

Fate or life is like the moon. जब चीज़ें बुरी चल रही तो होती हैं, तो वो बद से बदतर होती जाती हैं . जब अच्छी चलती है तो अच्छी से और बेहतर होती जाती हैं. चंद्रमा की तरह. और ये चक्र चलता जाता है. अच्छा – बहुत अच्छा – बुरा – बहुत बुरा – अच्छा.

मूर्ख हो तुम यदि सोचते हो की बुरी चीज़ें अच्छी चीज़ों के विपरीत समाप्त नहीं होंगी.

और विद्वान हो जो अगर इस बात को समझ कर न सुख में सुखी हो न दुःख में दुखी.

और जब तुम विद्वान् बन जाते हो, तो तुम्हे समझ आता है की गीता ये क्यूँ कहती है की ” कर्मन्यावाधिकरास्ते, माँ फलेषु कदाचन ”

और जब तुम्हे गीता सार समझ आ जाता है तो तुम बुरे – अच्छे से ऊपर उठ जाते हो. जैसा की Nietzche कहता है … तुम “Beyond good and evil” बन जाते हो.

Protected: The origination of my passion – “Power Knowledge”

April12

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A Quote

March17

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

–Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere’s Fan, 1892, Act III
(Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 – 1900) )

एक आम दिन

February8

आज कैसा ऊंचा और नीचा दिन निकला! सुबह bank का collections कैसे काम करता है, ये देखने निकल पड़ा. Auto से गया. ऑटो वाले से मैंने ठीक से बात की. जब उतर के पैसे दिए तो उसने कहा, “Sir, आप असली Gentleman हैं. ” मुझे ये ये बहुत अच्छा compliment लगा. एक अरसा हुआ जब किसी ने बिना किसी छुपी आकांक्षा के कुछ अच्छा कहा मेरे बारे में.

फिर collection agent के साथ निकल पड़ा. ये ऐसे लोग थे जिन्होंने 2 साल से पैसा नहीं दिया था. कुछ तो साफ़ बेईमान दिखे , कुछ बेचारे शरीफ भी थे. एक पान वाले एक पास गया जिससे पता चला की उसे फसाया हुआ है किसी ने. बेचारे के ऊपर कानूनी केस भी लगा दिया है ICICI ने ! दू:खी प्राणी ने पहले तो अपना मामला साफ़ किया फिर मेरे को cold drink भी पिलाई, मुफ़्त में. मैंने पुछा की भाई अगर तुमने लोन लिया ही नहीं था तो इतनी किश्त क्यूँ चुकी? वो बोला, ” सर दोस्त ने कहा था की बचा ले”. उसके अपने दोस्त ने उसे fraud केस में फसवा दिया और वो बेचारा उसी को बचाने चला है..

वापस आके दफ्तर में डांट पड़ी की मैंने काम नहीं किया है. मेरी कोई गलती नहीं लगी अपने को. पर कुछ कहा नहीं. Boss ने एक काम करने को कहा, मैंने कहा की सर ये काम दूसरी तरह से करना चाहिए. बॉस ने डांट दिया. मैंने अपनी बात समझाई जो आज field से सीख कर आया था, तो मान गए वो मेरी बात. मुझे अच्छा लगा की चलो आज इतनी मेहनत करने के बाद, कुछ तो ऐसा सीखा की discussion में अपना point defend कर सकूं.

वापस आ के देखा तो फिनलैंड की internship देने से मना कर दिया है. सोचा की कोई न, जीवन में अच्छी चीज़ें भी होती हैं और बुरी भी. आज दरवाज़ा बंद हुआ है, कल कोई और खुलेगा. भगवान् भी आखिर कितना काट सकता है मेरा?

और आखरी में साहब एक SMS आया जिसपे गौर फरमाएं – ” It is not the friend who should be perfect, it is the friendship that should be perfect” .. कितनी सही बात है , है न?
———
छिप-छिप अश्रु बहाने वालों, मोती व्यर्थ बहाने वालों
कुछ सपनों के मर जाने से, जीवन नहीं मरा करता है
— गोपालदास ‘नीरज’

बंद दरवाज़े

February1

बंद दरवाज़े,
आज खुले
एक अरसे बाद..

धूमिल हो गयी,
पर रेशमी परी,
की गुलाबी याद..

खुली तो आँखें,
पर क्या ही देखें,
‘साथ’ नहीं है साथ..

पुरानी बातें,
गुजरी रातें,
ख़त्म है उन्माद..

हम तो बोले,
वापस होलें,
काल कोठरी में पार्थ!

बांद्रा से दादर

December9

मोड़ते हुए, मुड़ते हुए;

तोड़ते हुए, टूटते हुए;

दनदनाते,

फनफनाते,
सबको हटाते हुए..

हम लोग,

आगे बढ़ते हुए..

This piece was written today morning when I was driving to my office. My first poem in present continuous

posted under poem, present | 2 Comments »

समय और काल

November26
समय और काल
खो जाते हैं Oxford की गलियों में.
High Street में, Broad Street में
Christ Church में
Bodleian और  Magdalen में
और St Mary Cathedral की घंटियों में.
समय और काल
पिघल जाते हैं 800 साल पुरानी
दुकानों में, मीनारों में
और Salvador Dali की घड़ियों में.

— 19 Nov 09, Oxford
Bodleian Library is oneof the oldest Library in the world. Magdalen College was established in 1458 AD and is one of the more beautiful colleges in Oxford.

गृह प्रवेश

November26

जब तुम वापस आ जाते हो वर्तमान में.मुंबई में.. और देखते हो की तुम्हारा मन कही लग नहीं रहा है, काम करने की इच्छा सी नहीं रह गयी है, और हर चीज़ बदसूरत प्रतीत हो रही है… तब तुम्हे मालूम पड़ता है की तुम्हारा शरीर तो मुंबई में है, लेकिन तुम्हारा मन Greenwich park , National Gallery, Oxford और Thames के किनारे रह गया है.

और तुम सोचते हो की शायद वहां जाना ही नहीं चाहिए था.

Oxford MFE 2010 Interview Experience

November25

Before I forget, here’s what happened on 19 Nov 09:

Started with me going to Mr Joel Shapiro’s room on first floor. Mr Shapiro had just moved in and some of the boxes were still there. It was a very comfortable setting with me sitting opposite Mr Shapiro. The interview lasted for about 40 mins. It was 100% technical. No standard questions like Why MFE, Why Oxford Etc.

1) What’s your math background?

2) What is Baye’s theorm? ( Had forgotten this, could not answer)

3) How to solve a system of equations? Tell me 3 methods.

4) How to find the area under a curve for discrete points? How is this different from continuous functions?

5) How much Economics do you know? ( told him that I’ve cleared CFA level 3 )

6) Lets play a game. 2 firms produce same good, unconstrained supply, unconstrained demand. Rule is if one price is lower than second’s, all the demand will go to the lower one. Otherwise demand split in two. Is system in equilibrium?

7) What will happen to game at start?

8) how will it progress?

9) what will happen in end?

10) Can the firm earn profits?

11) How can they earn profits? ( told him abt differentiation)

12) how will differenciated goods work?

13) what if differentiated products work? lets say coke and pepsi?

14) How else can they earn profits? ( told him constrained supply)

15-17) how will game start, progress, end in constrained supply?

18) Lets play two period game. What will happen in two periods?

19) any questions ( I said no, had already asked them in the Open day)

I have not studied game theory, so I dont know if my answers were correct or incorrect. But I have a feel that it wasn’t very good interview from my side. That said, Mr Shapiro was great.

Why Buddy is Buddy and why no one can be like Buddy

November2
Buddy with Chivas

Buddy with Chivas

Perhaps even more difficult than the search for the Goly Grail, the search of El Dorado, The search of the fountain of Youth is the Question – “Why Buddy is Buddy and why no one can be like Buddy?”

For those of you who don’t know him, Buddy ( Parmeet Singh) is 25/M/Weird/Witty/Engineer/Doing-good-at-job. He was my classmate for 4 years in Punjab Engineering College, Chandigarh (PEC) For the First three years , I found him to be the most weird guy of 2002-06 Electrical Engineering. But in the fourth year my opinions did a volte-face. During a trip with him ( and the class) to Nathpa-Jhakri I realized he was smart, intelligent, funny and good at heart.

Buddy often does things I can not even imagine to do in my weirdest dream. He’s tired of Cities? Ok He’ll go to Chitwan and valley of flowers for 10 days. He’ll go on a trip to a forgotten hamlet in Maharashtra where he’ll only have coconuts and fishes.  He is missing his parents? Ok, He’ll take them to pondicherry on a week’s notice. He’s feeling artistically challenged? Ok, he’ll learn the guitar.He’s feeling lonely? Ok, He’ll talk to every single man/woman/in-between in a bus in some obscure village of Thailand and will make them friends in 5 mins flat. A dog’s barking at him? Ok, He’ll go and pet it and give him a biscuit and within minutes buddy has found a new buddy.

Buddy is the only person who can visit each and every village of Kinnaur district and distribute sweets  like a Santa Claus. Buddy is the only guy who’ll  complete the half marathon of 21 KM  Buddy , After only one day’s practice,  In the most bizarre haircut possible, And with a peg of Chivas Regal in hand

Buddy is buddy and no one can be like buddy because we all are so engrossed in making our tomorrows better that we forget today. We all are like those rats who’ll starrve today to keep storing food for tomorrow. That tomorrow never comes. And we all remain rats.

We all are in pursuit of happiness…..While buddy is happy exactly because he’s not in pursuit of happiness .Buddy and me in Nainital ( Diwali, 2009)

Oxford MFE 2010 – Interview Call !

November1

Yay!!! I got an interview call again from the MFE program at Said Business School, Oxford University.

This time they have an open day scheduled on 19 Nov 09. It is a day when u can tour the campus, meet professors and students, and can even attend a dummy class. I plan to attend this open day function and will be flying over to Oxford only for this interview call.

Although my interview went very well last year, I was disappointed that I could not convert it. This time around I think attending the interview in person might make a difference. It will also give me a first hand experience of the place I want to go

BTW, Did I tell you that my Maternal Grandparents (post)graduated from Oxford in 1962? I’m very excited to be going to that place…

Lets hope the VISA falls in place now !

Pizzeria for sale

October14

I have a pizzeria. This pizzeria was very famous and everyone wanted to eat there. I also like to feed people, or should I say to feed people who can afford to pay upfront bill.  Now I’m a man of principles. I tell everyone that I have my rules and obviously I’ll not allow anyone  to break them.

One day in 1948, a very humble ascetic passed by my store. He did not demand anything but I know I should have given him a pizza. My staff knew I should give him a pizza, my customers knew  I should give him a pizza, My wife knew  I should give him a pizza and my pet goldfish also knew  that I should give him a pizza.  But I’m a man of principles, so I wont give him anything. Just as Governor Swazzenegar  said in that iconic movie of all times’ Terminator -1,2,3′, I also proclaim, “talk to the hand”. So beat it. I’m a man of principles after all

Then one day in 2009,Mr XYZ who is 100 lbs overweight , passes by my shop.   He says, “Yo chum, can I have a pizza for free?” I immediately know that I have to give this poor scraggy man something to eat, or otherwise he risks being overweight by ony 99.5 lbs. So I give him some Pizza, a pepsi and 6 pieces of garlic bread for free. My Staff is surprised, My customers are upset, my wife says she’ll divorce me and my goldfish commits suicide. But I justify it all saying, ” you know, this man holds great future”

I think it was the day when people lost any trace of faith in my pizzeria and now I’m bankrupt. The flame has somehow vanished. A certain Mr Gorbachev and Mr Kissenger had already stolen some of the fuel, but this time its just dead.

Would you like to buy my Pizzeria ? Its located in Norway ( and Sweden ) . It is about a century old and is called ” The Nobel Prize, Inc” . It has great support lines from one Federal Bank, USA. And you can buy it at any price you want….. Because frankly, no one cares a $hit about it now.

“Some people say — and I understand it — ‘Isn’t it premature? Too early?’ Well, I’d say then that it could be too late to respond three years from now.It is now that we have the opportunity to respond — all of us”  …..    Thorbjoern Jagland, chairman of the Norwegian Nobel Committee, told the Associated press

Feminism और ‘मुनिया की माँ’

October10

मेरे गाँव में हमारे यहाँ जो बाई काम करती है, उसका नाम है ‘ मुनिया की माँ’. मुनिया की माँ का असली नाम मेरे को नहीं पता, न ही मेरे घर वालों को पता है. वो बस मुनिया की माँ हैं. जब उसकी शादी नहीं हुई होगी, तो वो किसी ‘मुन्ना की बेटी’ रही होगी, शादी के बाद जब तक मुनिया का जन्म नहीं हुआ होगा, तब तक शायद वो ‘ रामू की बीबी’ रही होगी. अब क्यूंकि मुनिया का जनम हो गया है, तो भाई उसका नाम मुनिया की माँ नहीं होगा तो क्या होगा?

Feminism क्या है? क्या वो Miss Universe प्रतियोगिता की निंदा करना है? क्या वो ‘Fair and Lovely’ की बुराई करना है? क्या वो political suffragate है? क्या वो abortion का अधिकार है? वो क्या है? Feminism का सबसे पहला काम है मुनिया की माँ को ये ज्ञात करवाना की वो मुनिया की माँ बाद में है, और ‘रामो ‘ पहले.

संध्या ( The Evening)

September26

Evening happens to be my favourite time of the day. I find Nature to be most beautiful in the golden rays of sunset.

I especially like to roam aimlessly in the streets of kalanagar (bandra east) at about 6 PM.

This poem words what I feel every evening.

सूरज की  किरणे,हर शाम,
अपनी आखरी सासें गिनती हैं,
अपने हरे भरे जग को,
सुन्दर पेड़, सुन्दर सड़क,
और तृप्त वातावरण को,
देखती है विरह दुःख के साथ. 

समाप्त हो जातीं है तब,
मेरी सारी अधूरी इच्छाएं,
और  होता है मुझे,
क्षणिक,
क्षणभन्गुर
सुख का एहसास.
Word Meanings
[तृप्त वातावरण = Satisfied Environment
विरह दुःख = Sadness of leaving dear ones behind
क्षणिक = Momentary (for a second)
क्षणभन्गुर = Ephemeral ]
posted under Nature, poem, present | 1 Comment »

एक ख़ुशी भरा दिन

August1

आज तो अच्छा दिन निकला ! पहले खूब सारा काम था re rating का . मैंने बहुत अच्छी तरह से conference call कर के वो सोल्वे किया…अज्ज मैंने बहुत सारे लोगों से फोन पे बात की और मुझे ऐसा लगा की आज मैं सच में कोई manager वाला काम कर रहा हूँ.. खूब कहा लोगों से, ” SO when are you giving me the job…No no, ….monday is too late, lets do it by today evening!” फिर खूब लोगों के काम solve किये, अच्छा लगा :)

फिर 5 बजे baskin Robins गए जहाँ 31% discount offer था … छक कर Brownie Sunday खाया :) ६ बजे gym गया. सोचा आज कम से कम 15 minute दौडूंगा, लेकिन 30 minute तक दौड़ा. उसके बाद weights किये !

वापस आया तो देखा फोन खो गया था . बहुत परेशान हुआ. ढूँढा नहीं मिला. फिर सुदिप्तो ने कहा उन्हें किसी ने दे दिया था… अच्छा लगा :)

उसके बाद उनसे 1 घंटा गप्पें मारीं घर पहुंचा तो पता चला की पापा मम्मी आने वाले हैं, और मेरी monday Tuesday की छुट्टी approve हो गयी है… अब ख़ुशी ख़ुशी उनके साथ घूमोंगा..

और हाँ, कल महाबलेश्वर जा रहा हूँ :) :) बताओ, क्या जीवन सुखद नहीं है??

सराहना – Appreciation

May28

मुझे Internet लेना था अपने computer पे, और एक काम के लिए मैं अजमेर के Airtel office पे गया. वहां एक बन्दे ने बताया की आप 395/- देके Internet ले लीजिये. वहीँ पे एक और employee बैठी थी. उसने कहा, sir आप पहले एक सस्ता plan लेके speed देखिये, और अगर अच्छा लगे तो फिर बढ़िया plan ले लेना. उसकी बात मेरे को जची. वो बात मानने से मेरा फायदा भी हुआ. फिर मैंने २- ३ बार उसे फोन भी किया, और उस employee ने मेरी पूरी सहायता की. मुझे बहुत अच्छा लगा और मैंने कहा की क्या कोई appreciation book है यहाँ पे? वो कोई 100 पन्ने की किताब थी, और आज तक उसमे एक भी customer ने किसी को commend नहीं किया था. Ms पूजा ने कहा, ” sir, आप पहले हो जो की हमारे काम की सराहना कर रहे हो. बाकी सब तो issue solve करवा के चल देते हैं”

 —

मुझे अपने भाई गोलू की एक बात पसंद है, वो हमेशा ‘thank you’ कहेगा. चाहे वो एक छोटी सी गुलरभोज की दूकान पे जाये या चाहे दिल्ली के McDonald पे, उसकी ये बात नहीं बदलेगी. अगर में कभी उसे पानी का ग्लास दूँ, तो वो मुझे भी thanks कहेगा. कुल मिला के वो शिष्टाचारी है.और ये एक अच्छी बात है. अगर हम किसी की उसके अच्छे कार्य के लिए सराहना करें, तो हमारा कुछ नहीं जायेगा. लेकिन सामने वाला इससे बहुत प्रसन्न होगा और उसे लगेगा की वह केवल एक machine नहीं अपितु एक इंसान है. लोग america जाते हैं और पाते हैं की वो एक अलग दुनिया है. क्या कहीं उसके अलौकिक मानवीय पक्ष का Appreciation एक बड़ा कारण तो नहीं?

 

 

(On an entirely different note my Mummy, who is in get-varun-married-mode, said she liked that girl and should she ask her to go on a date with varun 😛 )

कल और आज.

May6

 समय के दर्पण में खुद को तकता,
‘कल’ है वक्ता ; ‘आज’ है श्रोता,
निकल तरकश से प्रश्नोत्तर के शूल ,
‘आज’ है मेरा जर – जर होता .

पुरातन विचार हुंकार भरते,
नूतन कर्म के कारण परखते,
और व्यथित हो यथार्थ से फिर,
परिवर्तित दीवारों पे सर पटकते
[ वक्ता –  speaker
श्रोता – listener
तरकश – Arrow Case
प्रश्नोत्तर – Question and answer
जर – dilapidated, old, weak
पुरातन – old
हुँकार – war cry
नूतन – new
व्यथित – traumatised
यथार्थ – reality
परिवर्तित – that which has changed/transformed ]

छवि

March30

” तुम ideal husband material हो.”, मुझसे उसने matter-of-factly तरीके से कहा.

मेरा केक मुह में ज्यों का त्यों रह गया

“क्या मतलब है तुम्हारा?” अपना केक चबाते हुए मैंने पूछा.

” मतलब की .. जैसे कुछ लोग होते हैं जो boyfriend material होते हैं, उनके साथ मज़ा तो काफ़ी आता है लेकिन घर पे… मिलाया नही जा सकता , समझ रहे हो न तुम? ” उसने बेबाक विचार व्यक्त किए.

मैं , जो केक खाने में अभी तक व्यस्त था , इस बात के बारे में सोचने लगा. यहाँ मैं बताना चाहूँगा की मैंने कभी अपने बारे में इस नज़रिए से नही सोचा. मैं कैंटीन में हमेशा केक में ज्यादा दिमाग लगता हूँ और अपनी छवि पे कम. मुझे लगता है की यह चीज़ मुझे भ्रम से बचाती है , ये अलग बात है की रोज़ रोज़ केक मेरे वजन को रहस्यमई तरीके से बढ़ा रहा है.

” इसे मैं comment समझूँ की compliment?” , मैंने पूरी सच्चाई से पूछा.

“obviously, compliment था ” , उसने कहा

उसकी आंखों में और उसकी बातों के मतभेद को अगर मैं अनदेखा कर दूँ, तो कहूँगा की मुझे अच्छा लगा.

एहसास

February16

कांक्रीट के जंगल में,
टूटी पत्ती का
मादक नृत्य देख,
हुआ मुझे भी एहसास.
जिंदा हूँ मैं,
चलती है मेरी भी साँस.

So how’s Investment banking?

October21

“so how’s IB going for ya?”, asks one of my Juniors at school. That makes me think. And that makes me blog :)

Its not that IB image that people usually associate with. Not only for my group but also for the other verticals like M&A & OAG , life’s very very different from the typical image that’s fed to callow minds. We do NOT wear ties/suits, we do NOT work 16 hours a day, People are NOT mean (they’re nice actually), i have windows 2000 on my PC, Not every group has MS office installed(they work with OpenOffice) and most of the time goes for regular maintenance work. May be because its the worst time for IB, i dont know. I think a reality check is necessary for anybody aiming at a career in IB.

Whatever be the current scenario, I’m really happy with my Boss, Collegues and others at my workplace. My team is extremely supportive and well knit. We’re a group of 6+1 people, (used to be 9+1 — 3 months back) and anybody can talk to anybody abt anything. Whenever i am in doubt, i can bug Vittal, Vinay,Lale or others – all who shall listen and genuinely try to help me out. I really don’t know how many times do i daily seek lale’s comments. At the same time i can share all jokes with Jha sahab & Ami. The only catch is that most of the time I’m the joke, something that i’ve got used to and don’t feel bad about at all.

— had written a big post but nt disconnected and now am too tired to type it again– good night zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

गुफ्तगू

October15

इधर बहुत दिनों से मैंने हिन्दी में कोई post नही likhi । इसके दो कारण थे। पहला to ये कि मेरे कंप्यूटर मैं हिन्दी का कोई font installed नही है, और दूसरा ये कि नेट cafe पे जाके लिखने का मेरा मनन नही करता। लिखना चीज़ ही ऐसी है, कभी कभी जब मन करता है तो मैं एक दिन मे 3 post लिख देता हूँ, कभी 3 महीने गुज़र जाते हैं बिना कुछ दिल में आए । ऊपर से जब तक कुछ पूरे दिल से न करू , तो आनंद नही रहता उसे करने का।
खैर, दिल्ली छोड़ के अब मुंबई आ गया हूँ। नई जॉब शुरू हो गयी है 3 महीने पहले। salary मिलने लगी है और उसे उडाने भी लग गया हूँ। ICICI मैं खुश हूँ मैं… दोस्त अच्छे हैं, बॉस अच्छे हैं, साथ मैं काम करने वाले लोग अच्छे हैं, और भई काम bh ठीक ही है। जब पूरे बैंक के पास ही काम नही है, तो अपने dept को क्यूँ गाली दूँ?

पिछले ३ महीने मैं सर्वाधिक आनंद आया जब मैं चेन्नई गया IFMR training करने। training to क्या थी साहब बस ऐश ही ऐश मारी थी वहां पे। नए लोग मिले जो सभी मस्ती मारने ही आए थे, तो मित्रता तो होनी ही थी। यहीं पर मैं रिपुल , विरल , मानसी और वृंदा से मिला जिनके साथ मेरा अक्सर समय बीतता है अब।

बाकी बातें बाद में, अभी तो सोना है।

i’m happy!

October13

I’m happy, really happy after a long time – and it isn’t the smirnoff, its my heart that makes this statement.

“I’m mesmerized in every way,
you keep me in a state of daze,
and i soar like a bird in the wind
oh i glide as if flying through heaven.
Sugar you make my soul complete,
Rapture tastes so sweet!!!!”
~ rapture , lio

posted under English, present | 1 Comment »

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish

May2

RG asked me a couple of days back,” How come you know so much about so many things? How come your GK is good and how come you have some cogent points on so many diverse topics?”
Even I thought about the issue, and then I traced myself to this …

When I was 14 years old, a question that had been in my mind since I read about human life in class 2 got finally answered। I always wondered,” how are humans different from animals? We both are just multicellular organisms who have the same sensations and physical needs. We both are driven by same desires of food, water, air & sexual needs. We both are afraid of death and pain. We have everything common, except that probably Homo Sapiens are a more sophisticated form of life. So are we no different from animals at all?” I remember asking mummy the same question. She said that humans are humans and animals are animals. She said that they are different but her answer couldn’t satisfy me.

After thinking about the issue at various levels of consciousness, I arrived at the same conclusion that Descartes did in the 17th century. Cogito, Ergo Sum. Obviously I was blissfully unaware of the exact meaning and originator of the phrase at that time. However I realized that the ‘desire to learn, the wish to improve and the zeal to know’ are the central reason that humans are different from animals. And I think that when I was in my early teens, this answer dictated the manner in which I saw education ad learning. I think this, coupled with another incident, transformed me from a back bencher and last rankers in school to the topper in board exams. (The first time that I stood first or even amongst the top 5 in class was in boards exams, 1999)
The principle was simple। I decided that I shall leave no stone unturned in the persual of education. I wanted to know more about this world. About everything. I wanted to know about science. How the solar system was created? How does the human body work? How are colors created? I wanted to know about history. How are nations made? Why does a country succeed or fail? Who created the beautiful monuments? Who went to war with whom? I wanted to know about philosophy. About relations, about literature, about each and every damn idea, tangible/intangible thing. And to accomplish this I started reading. I read EVERYTHING. From comics to newspapers to hand outs to posters on walls to even government reports and legal cases files (in revenue board’s library). And still I wanted to read more.

People would get bored in engineering classes. They would say,” क्या फालतू कि चीज़ है engineering? कितनी boring है !” Sometimes I found things tough (GD/AECD) but NEVER did I found them boring। I used to ask each and every doubt that crossed my mind in class, however Naïve or foolish it might sound to others। I participated in almost all extra curricular activities. I made innumerate friends. I tasted wine from so so many cups.

Then I came to MBA। Those classes that interested me, I attended them by sitting on the first bench. And so many things interested me. I liked statistics, QMDM, Economics, Saikat’s Marketing, ITO, and ITL amongst others. And then when I had finished with them, I would sit with the juniors to attend their courses. I even took some marketing classes. None of them gave me any marks. None of them show on my mark sheet. But I think in the persual of knowledge, I learnt even more.

My Montage (people write things about their classmates at the end of MBA course) says, “No one knows what he wants. Not he and not even God. Believes in networking only with great people”. I smile. Probably only I amongst my classmates know what I want, right from the time when I was 14 years old.

सीमाएं टूटती हैं.

March16

भूत सुखद है, किंतु वह वर्तमान का स्थान नही ले सकता। जो हुआ, वह अच्छा था। PEC ज़िंदगी के ४ सबसे खूबसूरत साल थे। फिर उसके बाद भी कुछ हसीं पल आए, किंतु वे अब बीत चुके हैं। हम गुजरे कल से प्रेरित हो सकते हैं, उसमे से संभल और खुशी पा सकते हैं, चंद लम्हे चुरा सकते हैं….. लेकिन अपना भविष्य उसमे नही जी सकते।
यह कड़वी सच्चाई है। जितना दूर इस बात से भागूँगा, उतना पछताँऊंगा। आज या कल, स्विक्रोक्ति करनी ही है। फिर इससे दूर सीमाएं जाना ? इससे nakarna kyun?
सीमाएं टूटती हैं। टूट के वे अपना नया अस्तित्व कायम करती हैं। सीमा मे बंधना उचित नही। परिवर्तन रहित परिवर्तन ही नियम है…. जितना जल्दी इस बात को समझो, उतना अच्छा।

posted under past, present | 2 Comments »

बाबा और अम्मू

January20

ESNIPS पे “हम लायें हैं तूफ़ान से किश्ती निकाल के ….” गाना सुनते हुए याद आया कि छब्बीस जनवरी पास आ गयी है। याद आया कि फिर से स्कूली बच्चों को जबरदस्ती राजपथ ले जाया जाएगा और मैं ख़ुशी ख़ुशी सोचूंगा कि चलो एक छुट्टी और मिली।

तभी याद आया कि मेरे दादाजी (बाबा) और दादीजी (अम्मू) भी शामिल थे स्वतंत्रता सेनानियों में और अनगिनित गांधीवादियों कि तरह उनके भी जेल जान पड़ा था। दोनो कि तबियत भी काफी खराब हुई थी उस दौरान। बाबा और अम्मू दोनो ही संपन्न परिवारों से ताल्लुक रखते थे और उन्हें कोई आवश्यकता नही थी अपने स्निग्ध जीवनशैली त्याग के ,जेल के एक बैरक में बासी रोटी और अधपकी दाल खाने की। लेकिन उन्होने ऐसा किया, कुछ अपनी पीढ़ी के लिए, कुछ मेरी पीढ़ी के लिए और कुछ मेरी आने वाले पीढियों के लिए।

बाबा अब नही रहे, अम्मू से अगर पूछों कि आपने क्यों इतना त्याग किया तो वो कहेंगी कि उस समय का उन्माद ऐसा ही था। वे कहेंगी कि कुछ इतनी बड़ी बात भी नही थी। किन्तु जिस चीज़ के लिए आपने इतनी मेहनत की, उस की कीमत हम में से कोई न समझा।

एक PEPSI पीते , McD का burger खाते और GRE देके पहले मौक़े में अमरीका जाते हुए आपके अयोग्य पौत्र की ओर से शत् शत् नमन .

फुददु कौन है?

November22

कौन मूरख़ है? क्या वो जो धीरे सोचता है , या वो जो धीमे काम करता है, या वो जो पढाई अथवा खेल-कूद में पिछड़ा है?क्या वो जो अजीब सवाल पूछता है या वो जो अजीब बातें करता है ,या फिर वो जिसका काटने में सबसे अधिक आनंद आता है?

कहना मुश्किल है ! लेकिन ज़रा सोच के देखिये, हम सब जीवन के किसी न किसी मोड़ पे, कुछ मूर्ख़ता नही करते है? एक सवाल उभरता है…. क्या हम सब, किसी न किसी की नज़रों में मूर्ख नही हैं?

हमे क्या अधिकार है की किसी का मजाक उडायें ? हमे क्या अधिकार है की किसी और की बुराई करें ? ख़ुद में कभी झांक कर तो देखे की आखर हम कौन बड़ी तोप है जो दूसरे को गधा कहे!

फुददु वो है जो अपने को दूध का धुला समझे और सोचे की उससे बेहतर व्यक्ति नज़र नही आता. नज़र उठा के देख आदम!! हर वो चीज़ जो मै करता हूँ, मुझसे १०० गुना बेहतर कोई और कर सकता है, और हर वो चीज़ जिसपे तुम इतराओ , उससे १०० गुना वोही किसी और के पास भी हो

“बना है शाह का मुसाहिब , फिरे है इतराता
वरना शहर में गालिब की आबरू क्या है “

My first Post

November22

Decadence is setting in. My ideas & ethics are dying and am everyday getting more and more materialistic.

A number of thoghts cross my mind everyday. This is an attempt to word my emotions on a gamut of things.

If you’re here to find some fun stuff, you’ll be dissapointed. This is meant to be more of a chronicle rather than an intellectual/entertainment portal!

However, if you’re here to see what have i been up to; you’re more than welcome.

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